Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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