that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
