I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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