I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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