I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
