Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
