Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize