My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
