Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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