The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
