If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
