yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
