My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
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Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
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You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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