so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
