A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
