don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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