What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
