i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
