textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my shit smells like andre
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
