it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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