No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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