she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she peed on how many people?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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