she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
