Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
