Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
