I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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