Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
