Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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