There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
