It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I touched a dick in church today
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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