Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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