Rock
Scissors
Fuck
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
