anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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