It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
