I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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