She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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