we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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