So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
