Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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