Just fell off a train. Bad.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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