I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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