my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
