Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
