I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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