did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
