no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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