I need help removing her.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
