I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
