are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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