All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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