She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
