also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
