this beer tastes like vomit already
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
