she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
