lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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