I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
