I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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