I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
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He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
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She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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