Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
