I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
