Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
