He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
