also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
