are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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