i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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