I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
