If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
