your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
