so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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