toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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