there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
