how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
