i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
and she was petting her beer can
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
