He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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