My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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